Donald Trump only hires the best Comrades

“I only hire the best people” said Donald J. Trump, the former reality television star of The Apprentice whose claim to fame was based on his image as one of America’s most successful businessmen, despite being in debt up to his eyeballs behind the scenes. Based on Robert Mueller’s ongoing investigation and the resumes of those hired by Trump to lead our nation to greatness, we now have a clear picture of Trump’s hiring requirements:

First: You must be best Comrades of Russian President Vladimir Putin, who is actively conducting cyber warfare against the United States. This includes people like Trump’s disgraced National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, Trump’s Deputy Campaign Chairman Rick Gates, and Trump’s Foreign Policy Adviser George Papadopoulous fit those requirements and have pleaded guilty in relation to their Comrade Connections. Trump’s campaign chairman Paul Manafort has yet to plead guilty but has been charged with a smorgasbord of felonies related to having all the best Comrade connections to Vladimir Putin and then lying about it.

Second: Must Fail Background Check. More than a hundred members of Trump’s administration failed their background checks, yet were nonetheless granted access to our nation’s top secrets.

Third: Must Destroy Department You are Hired to Run. Think: Rick Perry, Ben Carson and Betsy DeVos.

Fourth: Must be completely unqualified for job, like Trump’s daughter Ivanka and his son-in-law Jared Kushner, who have been put in charge of obtaining peace in the Middle East and other duties normally reserved for highly educated and experienced professionals.


Yes, Donald, Moscow is indeed laughing at us for thinking you hire all the best people. You know who hires all the best Comrades? Putin. Guess who else hires all the best Comrades? Donald J. Trump. Coincidence? I don’t think so, Comrade.

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