Stephen Colbert does entire monologue of Donald Trump urine puns and metaphors

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Stephen Colbert opened the Wednesday night episode of the CBS Late Show by reporting on the intelligence report asserting that Russia has blackmail material on Donald Trump, and covering Trump’s absurdist response to the matter. But Colbert said that out of respect for the unproven nature of the compromising personal information about Trump which the report contained, he wasn’t going to say what it specifically was. He then proceeded to do an entire monologue of puns and metaphors about Trump’s alleged urine fetish:

“The man is about to be president of the United States, so I’m not going to validate that report by sharing the most salacious details from it, even the detail everyone is talking about,” began Stephen Colbert in faux-serious manner before turning to the punchlines. “You might call it the number one detail. I think this is just an unfortunate leak that’s making a huge mess. And I know I’m being wet blanket, but reporting on this is the worst kind of yellow journalism. And even though jokes about this are a golden opportunity, I won’t do it.”

He continued: “Not to say the story didn’t make a huge splash. It did. It flooded Twitter. We’ll keep you up to date as facts trickle in. We have our best researcher working on it. She’s a real whiz. And one thing is for sure: the president elect is a Goldwater republican who truly believes in trickle down.” The puns and metaphors continued throughout the entire monologue. It’s not yet available on Stephen Colbert’s official website but should be posted soon.

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