Wouldn’t want to be in Donald Trump’s shoes

There’s new meaning to the phrase, “I wouldn’t want to be in Donald Trump’s shoes right now.” Trump, in a clearly desperate attempt to raise money to defray his mounting, blood-curdling legal penalties, is now selling shoes. And not just any shoes, oh no. He’s selling overpriced, gold-plated, high-topped basketball sneakers for “just” $399 a pair. Yellow, the colour of cowardice.

Unfortunately, they’re sold out — for now. You can pre-order from the next batch. That’s right, Trump found a thousand suckers to buy them. But not to worry, for the discriminating MAGA idiot who needs something to run away in after attacking the Capitol, Trump also offers two different colours of running shoes, one in Russian Red, the other in Surrender White. Both are $199 a pair. As I write this, they are still available.

So if you need a good laugh, go to gettrumpsneakers.com and have a look. While you’re there, check out the men’s “Victory47” cologne. For the ladies there’s “Victory47” perfume. Just $99. Trump supporters have notoriously poor hygiene, so it might help.

As an aficionado of athletics apparel I can tell you the running shoes are crap. They look like low-end jogging togs. You can find shoes like that on the less serious runner at your average Saturday morning Parkrun.

What Trump has done is find yet another way to be preposterously tacky while making money. But the laughter generated is muted, his latest pursuit of vulgar commercialism is tainted. After all, Trump is a court-declared rapist, a thief, a liar, a Covid-19 murderer, an insurrectionist, traitor and useful Russian idiot. We must not forget that. The man who would destroy 248 years of American democracy to save his worthless hide is selling shoes. Yeah, it is to laugh.

Trump began his announcement with what was almost certainly a lie: “I’ve wanted to do this a long time.” I doubt that. It’s just another in a series of cheap commercial cons that inevitably follow one of his devastating civil court judgements. Trump clearly needs money, and he is once again exploiting the fact that his every utterance still makes news.

Donald Trump is still making bad hay while the sun of infamy continues to shine. His announcement was greeted by boos and faint cheers. His moribund celebrity continues to serve his purpose — for now. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.