Where’s Samuel Alito?

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Something’s wrong. Something is very wrong. Something is going on, and everyone is having a field day trying to figure out what that something is. They look here. They look there. They look everywhere. Then they say the words, the words many are saying. Where is Samuel Alito?

Alito has been absent from the court for the last few days. Nobody knows why. It usually happens that when a Justice goes missing, the court issues a statement explaining the reason why. They’re on vacation. They’re sick. They’ve checked themselves into a mental asylum. I mean, whatever the reason is, it’s usually known to us.

Not this time. Everyone is asking: Sammy, where are you? This is a most unusual situation. Someone, please send out a missing person report. EVERYONE is talking about it — the mysterious vanishing. The New Republic discussed some of those theories:

“Is he combating a hang-over from a particularly raucous flag day with Martha-Ann?”

“Is he ducking out to delay the decision on Trump’s presidential immunity case?”

Nobody knows.

Sammy’s name is still on all of the recent decisions that have come out. He hasn’t quit the court, much as we’d all like him to.

It’s most unusual, and perhaps he’ll be back Monday. Perhaps.

In the meantime, people are baffled.

“He’s hopefully writing his resignation letter.”

“His wife made him stay home and do chores.”

“Seeking witches.”

“Martha said, no you’re not going today, now help me hang this flag.”

“Busy researching 15th century jurists he can base his next ruling on.”

“Interviewing with Trump for the VP slot.”

“Fixing his hood.”

“It’s getting to him….”

“I’ve done my job ruining democracy. I’m going on vacation.”

“Big sale on flags this week! Everything must go!”

“Too ashamed to show his face.”

So the question DOES remain – where is Sammy boy? Will he show up next week? Will he ever show up again? We’ll know soon enough.

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