Bless you, Rudolph William Louis Giuliani. You give us hope. Frankly, I don’t know where to begin with Rudy Giuliani. He was once US Attorney for the Southern District of New York. He was once the mayor of New York City. He was once Time person of the year. He was once, briefly, the favored pick for the presidential nominee for the GOP. In his latest stage of metamorphosis, he’s become a rampaging lunatic. But as I’ll explain, we need to thank him for that.
After early tumult in the Trump presidency, namely the debacle with Michael Cohen, Rudy Giuliani slunk his way into Trump’s inner circle. There he stayed, and there he has festered. Giuliani appears to have, with remarkable success, ingratiated his way into Trump’s trust. What exactly he told him is unclear, but it’s easy to speculate: “That Russia problem? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”, “I used to run SDNY! They can’t touch you with me around!”, “You name the news station, I’ll be on and go to bat for you anytime.”, “Trust me, I’m a lawyer.”, “Whaddya need, boss?”. You get the idea. He’s Trump’s top stooge, which is saying a lot considering just how stoogely Barr and Pompeo are.
But again, we need to be very, very thankful for Mr. Mayor. With his batshit schemes and ham-fisted cover-ups, he’s singlehandedly tipped the scales to impeachment for Trump. He made Trump feel secure, which then made Trump’s worst impulses run wild. Thanks to Giuliani’s breathtaking incompetence, these crimes are out in the open, and it’s expediting Trump’s downfall. If Trump hired a competent lawyer, we wouldn’t have the honor of watching Giuliani admit to Trump’s crimes on television. If Trump hired a competent lawyer, maybe he wouldn’t have such an appalling approval rating. But now, sadly, it looks as though Giuliani’s days as Trump’s top stooge are coming to an end.
The New York Times reports that Giuliani is under investigation for the Ukraine scandal. Shocking. At the very least, he’ll have one of the most remarkable cases for being disbarred in US history. Sorry, Michael Cohen; you’re not nearly stupid enough to claim that title.
So with that, thank you Mr. Mayor – from each and every one of us who hopes to see Trump resign, impeached, and/or voted out. You’ve done more legwork than any Democratic plant could dream of doing.
Democracy thrives in snarkiness