Donald Trump and his advisers just can’t stop talking about each other’s penises

Perhaps we should have seen it coming after Donald Trump spent the primary race defending against the accusation that he had small hands, only to literally defend the size of his penis during a primary debate. And it shouldn’t come as a surprise, considering that Trump and the people he’s surrounded himself with are some of the most insecure men on the planet. But it still stands out as jarring just how obsessed Trump’s feuding advisers are with talking about each other’s dicks.

“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” said Anthony Scaramucci in a rant last night to a reporter. The pure spectacle of the remark ensured that it’ll be the only thing that either Scaramucci or Bannon will ever be remembered for. But this wasn’t some isolated incident. Just last week it was revealed that Bannon had referred to Paul Ryan as a “limp-dick.” There are other examples, and these are just the ones that have made it out to the public.

If you’ve ever had the misfortune to know someone who’s similar in nature to Donald Trump or his gang of thugs, then you know that this is more or less how these types of men converse. Their entire worldview is more or less built around the size of their own dick, and their fear that it’s smaller than that of other men. They can’t so much as refer to a woman without saying something sexist, or to a minority without saying something racist. It’s just their horrible, horrifying nature.

And yet it invariably leads these insecure gutter dwelling fractions of small men to spend their miserable lives obsessively talking about each other’s penises. They make it far too easy for the rest of us. The jokes just end up writing themselves.