Resign, you sick twisted coward

Hey Donald, you seem to be in a little over your head right now. Not that you ever had any idea what you were doing to begin with. You’re less suitable to be President of the United States than the average potted plant. But this week in particular proved it in such painfully clear fashion, even you know it by now.

You’ve got nothing, Donald. Your shady financial ties to the Saudi royal family got a Washington Post journalist murdered, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Your years of pandering to the alt-right crazies led to the attempted assassinations of two former U.S. Presidents this week, and everyone outside your little cult knows it’s your fault, and you’re out of words. Your antisemitic code words yesterday probably contributed to today’s synagogue shooting, and now you’re trying to overcompensate. By the end of the day, you were left with nothing but making jokes about your own hair.

Things have gotten completely out of control for you. You were running this shitshow for awhile, but now it’s slipped from your grasp. Half the people who got you this far in politics are now behind bars, working to take you down, or both. You’ve been fending off the state of New York for decades, but now the NY Attorney General is coming for your family and your money, and this time, there’s no way out for you.

Donald, you’re just a pawn in a dangerous game you no longer control. You can’t even figure out how to con your way out of this because your brain is rotting under the pressure. You don’t even know how an umbrella works. There’s only one thing left to do, Donald. Negotiate your resignation now, in the hope it’ll result in less prison time for you and your kids. Either that, or you can just keep making jokes about your hair until they haul you off to prison.

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