This can’t be real, can it? More Americans have died this month than died in the Vietnam War, all because the President of the United States is the world’s most inept weirdo of a villain. Those of us who are still alive are hunkered down in our houses, wondering how we’re even supposed to keep getting food. And all the insane President can do is stay up all night hurling juvenile slurs at the people who are talking about his worsening scandals.
This sounds like a really bad rejected script for a movie that no one would ever have gone to see – or at least no one would have stayed much past the opening credits. Donald Trump is not a remotely believable character. What kind of villain wastes his time attacking Brian Williams for having a big forehead? Brian Williams? Come on. Brian Williams is like Wendy’s. He’s fine. Sometimes quite enjoyable. Definitely not high stakes enough for the President of the United States to be rage tweeting about. Even an evil President sets his sights a little higher.
Yet here we are. The majority of Americans want this clown gone, right now, today. Yet we keep learning the hard way that our Constitution, the document we all grew up worshipping, was written by well intentioned people who had no idea what they were doing – and then we spent two hundred and some years failing to fix most of what’s wrong with it. There’s no way to get rid of this guy right now unless Mike Pence (25th Amendment) or Mitch McConnell (impeachment and conviction) signs off on it, and those guys are two of Trump’s biggest criminal co-conspirators. This is supposed to be a system of government?
Even Trump doesn’t want the job anymore. That’s painfully clear. And yet he can’t just resign and walk away, because he’s committed so many crimes, he’ll be arrested if he resigns and tries to walk away. He could probably negotiate a pretty lenient resignation plea deal right now, but he’s too senile to understand the need for such a thing, and his family is too busy grifting on his back to be willing to convince him that it’s over for him.
This is the worst movie that I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen Battlefield Earth. Wait, have I? I haven’t left the house in so many weeks, I’m having trouble remembering things. Like, what does a car do? What is fresh air? Is Mike Pence real, or is he just Trump’s made-up friend? Many of you are going stir crazy as well. And yet we’re all supposed to keep it together when we see the President of the United States telling us to drink bleach while he’s ranting about “Noble Prizes” and Brian Williams’ forehead. This just keeps getting stupider. All we can do is keep working to make sure this terrible movie absolutely does not get a sequel when it finally ends in November.
Bill Palmer is the publisher of the political news outlet Palmer Report