The Second Coming of Donald Trump

There have been many briefly famous dates in the history of religious and “psychic” adventism that were largely forgotten after that date came and went. The 21st of December, 2012, was a recent example of the end of the world as we knew it. I still recall the furore that rumour caused and the divide it created between the bemused and the amused after absolutely nothing happened, right on schedule. The date quickly passed into topical obscurity.

No, real apocalyptic dates have a way of sneaking up on us. For example, September 11th, 2001 is the first date I usually mention whenever any so-called “psychic” regales me about their remarkable powers. I ask them where their powers were then. Nobody predicted anything would happen that day. Then there’s the preamble in the letter the editor of the Sun sent to the newspaper’s astrology columnist telling him he was fired: “As you no doubt have foreseen …”

The reason nobody can see into the future is because nobody can. Even so, some people like to make categorical proclamations about the future. Their confidence is usually inversely proportional to the nearness of the date. The further away it is, the more confident they assert their predictions. Of course, the date in question can’t be too far away because nobody gets excited about, say, something that’s supposed to happen on October 9th, 5021.

So I was amused when Donald Trump’s “reinstatement” was predicted for August 2021 back in January or February or March — I don’t recall exactly when. Some political “psychics” were even more specific, claiming the date was going to be Friday the 13th. I can’t say for sure that Trump won’t be reinstated this Friday, but I do know to a very high degree of statistical certainty that he won’t be.

One thing I do know for sure: Friday the 13th of August, 2021, is National Kool-Aid Day. National Kool-Aid Day is celebrated every second Friday in August in Hastings, Nebraska, where the drink was invented. That has a certain appropriate connection to adventism for Trump. After all, “drinking the Kool-Aid” has become an idiomatic metaphor for describing any group of idiots following an insane leader like the Reverend Jim Jones or, not to put too fine a point on it, Donald Trump. If nothing else it’s a good day for certain people with bizarre senses of humor to go about in a hockey mask.

There exists no mechanism in American government to “reinstate” Donald Trump to the presidency. But I will say this about his insistence and his followers’ insistence that he’s still the 45th president of the United States: if what they say is true, then he can’t run again in 2024. You see, there may be no mechanism for reinstating him, but there is a Constitutional mechanism for preventing anyone running for a third term. Sorry all you Trump-licking cretins out there, but if Donald Trump is still your president and he really did win the 2020 election then he can’t run again. You can’t have it both ways. Because if you’re going to throw away the Constitution, how about we start with the Second Amendment?

  

Enthusiasm for the idea that Trump will be reinstated in August is beginning to fade in Trumpland. There’s something sobering about confronting any mythical date or month or year when the day finally arrives. I still recall how relatively unremarkable the year 1984 was, or how ordinary the year 2000 was. August will probably be no different. I make no promises. I am not psychic. But something tells me that, come September first, 2021, Joseph Robinette Biden Junior will still be President of the United States. And I feel fine. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.

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