Rafael “Ted” Cruz is desperate. For years, Ted Cruz has tried his best to be a social media king. Seemingly obsessed with being thought of as charming, intelligent and cool, Cruz constantly gets into kerfuffles with others on Twitter and constantly loses, proving that he is charmless, stupid, and uncool.
And now Rafael has been walloped by a master in the art of verbal jousting — former Senator Al Franken. It all started with an appearance by Franken on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” Franken spoke of Cruz in the humorous but truthful way Franken usually speaks.
“I really think one of the most serious issues facing our country today is just how big a dick Ted Cruz is,” Franken said earnestly. We’re right there with you on THAT one Mr. Franken. “I’ve said it before,” Franken went on. “I probably liked Ted Cruz more than most of my colleagues liked Ted Cruz, and I hate Ted Cruz.”
Hilarious and accurate. Only Rafael’s fee-fees appeared to be hurt because he took to Twitter in a frantic effort to best Franken, which anyone with common sense could have told him was not a good idea.
Calling Franken a “disgraced, unemployed socialist,” Rafael declared Franken was “fantasizing about his genitalia.” Ugh. “Stop catcalling me,” an unfunny Rafael tweeted. “I don’t want to date you.” Nobody laughed. In fact, Twitter users appeared delighted to let Rafael know Franken was absolutely correct:
“Hey-Franken just pointed it out.”
“You deserve it, Ted.”
“Ted — you’re a greasy little creep.”
“I don’t want to date him either.”
“Franken has always been right about Cruz.”
As you can see, Twitter appears to have sided with Franken. Rafael Cruz, no doubt, considers himself a clever boy. And that’s sweet. However, it’s important to note that nobody else does.