Donald Trump sniffs his way through pointless half-awake border wall speech

We told you Donald Trump’s speech tonight wouldn’t amount to much of anything. We knew he wouldn’t try to declare a “national emergency” during his speech tonight, because even he’s not stupid enough to think such a plan would get him anywhere. We also knew Trump would probably sniff his way through this speech, which he did. But even we didn’t think he would come off as this weak, listless, half-awake, and pretty much finished.

Donald Trump began by tepidly reading from a script, repeating his usual lie-filled talking points about immigration and the border. At no point did he ever sound fully conscious, instead sounding like one of his advisers slipped him a bunch of horse tranquilizers just before he went on the air. But as the speech went on, his heavy breathing turned into heavy sniffing, leading to the usual social media debates about whether it’s a nervous tic or evidence that he’s been snorting illegal drugs.

In any case, this speech was a complete non-event. Twenty-four hours from now, no one will even remember it happened, just as we predicted. Interestingly, Trump even tried to go out of his way to avoid using the word “wall” – perhaps in recognition of just how deeply unpopular the wall concept is, and perhaps because he’s now obsessively pushing some kind of steel slat monstrosity instead of a wall.

Today was a huge day for political news. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Robert Mueller. Donald Trump Jr’s favorite Russian government operative was indicted. Paul Manafort accidentally admitted Russian hackers rigged the vote totals. This Donald Trump speech was absolutely nothing, just as we predicted.

44 Comments

Comments