What Rudy Giuliani is really going to “negotiate” for Donald Trump

Rudy Giuliani has joined Donald Trump’s personal legal defense team, which is such a laugh-out-loud absurd development that it’s difficult to know where to start. Giuliani says he’s going to magically make all the investigations into Donald Trump’s crimes, from the Robert Mueller Trump-Russia probe, to the SDNY’s Trump-Cohen probe, magically go away within a week or two. Sure, why not? We need this whole storyline to be even more ridiculous, because, hey, we all need a laugh. But maybe there’s something to this.

Rudy Giuliani says he’s going to “negotiate an end” to the investigations into Trump. That’s fascinating, considering that none of the various people in charge of these investigations have any interest in negotiating an end to anything. Mueller’s probe is still expanding as it moves in closer to Trump, and the SDNY probe is just getting started. The idea that they would agree to “end” anything is simply comical. Unless, of course, Giuliani is referring to the one thing Trump still has to bargain with: his own end.

Let’s say you’re Rudy Giuliani, and you just realized that you and Trump are both completely screwed now that the Feds have seized all of Trump’s dirty secrets from Michael Cohen’s offices. You want this whole mess to end before it finds its way to your doorstep. The only way for that to happen is if you can convince your buddy Trump that it’s over for him, and that his best move is to agree to resign in exchange for some sort of criminal leniency. Just maybe, if you’re Giuliani, this causes the investigations to wind down before they involve you in handcuffs.

If that sounds far fetched, consider that the only other possible explanation is that Rudy Giuliani has gone so Bonkers McBonkers, he thinks he has a magic wand that can cause the most massive and complex array of criminal investigations in history to just go poof overnight. Maybe Giuliani, whose wife just left him, whose political career is in ruins, and whose criminal antics are catching up with him, really is that far off the deep end. Or maybe this is a sober, pragmatic strategy on his part to nudge Donald Trump out of office before it gets even worse for him. We’ll see.

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