The Jeffrey Epstein murder narrative reaches cartoon villain levels

If I had to bet money one way or the other, I’d still wager that Jeffrey Epstein killed himself. His death doesn’t necessarily make life easier for any of Epstein’s co-conspirators, as it’s placed even more attention and scrutiny on the Epstein scandal. If one of them did take Epstein out, it would mean they’re pretty stupid to think that doing so would solve their problems. All that said, if this is a murder plot, it’s reached cartoon levels of villainy.

Late last night, the Washington Post reported that according to sources, the still-unreleased autopsy results reveal that Jeffrey Epstein had bones broken in his neck that are far more consistent with murder than with suicide. This comes after earlier reports that the overnight prison guards were both asleep while Epstein died, and reports that the prison cameras weren’t aimed at Epstein’s cell.

Even with all this, it’s entirely plausible that Epstein killed himself. He could have broken his own neck bones. The guards could have just been lazy, and too stupid to sleep in shifts. The camera could have just been set up or maintained poorly. For that matter, if Epstein was murdered, the most straightforward explanation is that his cellmate killed him because he was a pedophile, which is commonplace behind bars. And if the cellmate did it for that reason, then there’s no conspiracy here.

In fact, if not for the increasingly suspicious words and behavior on the part of Donald Trump and Attorney General Bill Bar – who are both acting as if they need to pre-assign a narrative to the scandal before the facts surface, and thus appear to be trying to orchestrate some kind of coverup – we might not even still be talking so much about this.

Here’s the kicker. If one of Jeffrey Epstein’s co-conspirators or blackmail targets did decide to bump him off, then it would suggest that all of the following was involved. This person somehow bribed someone in the prison to commit the murder, bribed the guards to go take a nap while it was going on, and bribed someone to mess with the cameras – all while stupidly not realizing that the coroner was going to quickly catch on.

The Epstein murder coverup theory all sounds more convoluted than ever. The most likely explanation continues to be either suicide, or a fellow inmate acting alone. But if someone powerful did have Epstein bumped off, wow did they go to cartoon villain levels to make it happen – and wow were they naive to think no one would catch on.

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