Out of a sense of relaxed nostalgia, I just tweeted (@RAHarrington) “LAW AND ORDER!”, merely, as I explain in the tweet, to remind everyone of just what “batshit crazy looked like.” To complete my stroll down amnesia lane, I signed up to Gab, a minor social media platform with one of the most pitifully amateur user interfaces I’ve encountered since the 1990s. I went there intending to troll Donald Trump. I also followed Junior for good measure.
What I found was truly pitiful. Donald Trump reduced to his real impotence, the impotence with which he was always afflicted when he wasn’t being artificially propped up by the American presidency. I was reminded yet again that he is, at bottom, a little man. If you squint your eyes and forget what an unrelenting raping and murdering monster he is you could almost feel sorry for him.
Trump’s profile begins, “Reserved for the 45th President of the United States of America.” No kidding. It really says that. Like it’s a parking space or something. A very important parking space. There’s a tiny emoji of an American flag at the end of the sentence. I don’t know when he penned that profile description (he’s been a member of Gab since 2016) but it positively reeks of desperation. I’m too lazy just now to climb into the Wayback Machine and find out.
I’m reminded, by contrast, of President Barack Obama’s Twitter profile, which says simply, “Dad, husband, President, citizen.” Each is listed in order of (presumably) the President’s own idea of priority. He doesn’t omit that he was President, he just puts it in its proper order of importance according to his own personal ranking.
Joe Biden’s Twitter profile also mentions he’s “husband to @DrBiden, proud father & grandfather.” Kamala Harris’ profile says, “Wife, Momala, Auntie. Fighting for the people.”
Of course, all those people still have Twitter accounts. Then there’s Thomas Jefferson’s self-composed epitaph, wherein is enumerated his terse catalog of accomplishments. He doesn’t even mention his two (count ‘em, two!) terms as President. Whether or not that was an instance of a contrived excess of modesty or not, it was decidedly a non Trumpian omission.
Trump doesn’t just mention that he “is” president, he pushes it in your face. I suppose there are remote parts of the globe where people don’t know and don’t care. But I doubt they would be on Gab. That he also is, nominally, a dad and a husband, plays no part at all for Donald Trump, of course. He always acted as if he was neither. Why should his Gab profile say any different?
I’m too recent to the platform to know what to call it. A Gab? Trump’s latest “Gab” is a copy of the pitiful letter his cheap lawyers sent to Congressman Jamie Raskin, explaining in whining tones why Donald Trump will not testify at his impeachment number two (count ‘em, two!).
Prior to that his most recent “Gab” (confirmed. That is what you call it) is his January 8th announcement that he won’t be attending the inauguration. So there! Boy did that ever teach ‘em!
My lone gab, “Don’t mind me, I’m just here to troll Donald Trump,” has already garnered 13 likes and one follow, and I don’t even know anyone on the platform. I followed everyone who liked it. I’m not sure I’m going to have much to do with the place, however. It feels lonely and desperate and sad. It feels too much like a place where losers go to die — in forgotten but very much deserved obscurity. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.