Donald Trump’s missing cellphones

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You’ve heard the excuse “the dog ate my homework”? It is a rather amusing phrase. But sometimes, people want to get out of things. And often, they do use excuses that are just, at their best, entertaining, and their worst, stark raving mad. And in my opinion, Donald Trump belongs to the second category of people.

As you are aware, Trump has been in an ongoing war with the New York AG’s office about the turning over of information. Trump has been stalling. Only the tactics he’s been using are not working so well for the lord of the lies. So now Trump, in a genuinely absurd act of desperation, has come up with an excuse of the “dog ate my homework” variety.

He has declared all his old cell phones are missing. That’s right — the cell phones are gone! Vanished into thin air. At least that’s what he SAID in an affidavit this past Friday. This was in response to the subpoena from the Attorney General of New York’s office.

“I am not aware of its current location,” the orange Buffoon says. Let’s break this down. Perhaps Donald Trump is telling the truth, something he rarely, if ever, does. But let’s examine the possibility.

Where could the cell phones be? Could they have gotten lost? After all — New York’s a big place. Only the Donald no longer LIVES in New York. So could they be lying on the sands of Palm Beach, just waiting for a curious person to pick them up?

Could they have been left behind in New York, perhaps at a McDonald’s and even now, sit among many a chicken nugget and milkshake? Could someone have disposed of them? The Kraken, maybe?

Or maybe the cell phones were tired of being hemmed in and went to take in a show in the theater district. Phantom of the Opera? Perhaps the Phantom stole the cell phones. Anything’s possible in Trump’s world. Or he’s lying.

It is my opinion that, yes, the “maybe he’s lying” possibility is the correct one. Trump also claims the phones — including two “flip phones” were “taken from me.” Really? By whom? By Matt Gaetz? By Bernie Sanders? Perhaps a Palmer Report reader took them.


The reality is Trump is hiding something, and he doesn’t want us to know what it is. This scheme will not work, of course. ALL Donald’s schemes wind up falling apart, and this one, while amusing, will play out no differently.

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