Donald Trump cuts and runs

A couple days ago, The New York Times reported that Trump filed a declaration of domicile in Florida, and that one thing says so much about Trump himself and the Trump era more broadly.

Trump, a lifelong New Yorker, is the ultimate human manifestation of pout. So much so that he was born with lips stuck out like the beak of a forlorn mallard. He grew up with a platinum spoon in his mouth and yet he still manages to be the whiniest human to have ever befallen our species. He’s biblically arrogant. He’s a bully, albeit a dull one, and has the temperament of a wasp trapped in a hot car. In sum, the man is ill-fit to responsibly walk a dog around the block, let alone run the free world.

And now he’s moving to Florida. There are a few possible reasons for this, the obvious reason being taxes (this was one of the official reasons for his change of domicile). The big reason, however? New Yorkers hate Trump. Most New Yorkers would rather let a sewer rat give birth in their mouth than have Trump live in their city another minute. Once Trump’s out of office, whenever that happens, going back to New York would be truly horrible for him. He wouldn’t be able to leave Trump Tower for more than a nanosecond before the nearest thousand New Yorkers would boo, scream, and sling insults at him. There’s no way he could handle that. Not even a typical Trumpian “they’re just jealous” -type comment would suffice to make him feel less insecure.

Enter Florida. It’s Trump’s Chuck-E-Cheese. Trump is king at Mar-a-Lago, and Trump wants nothing more than to be treated like a king. Members of the golf club ingratiate themselves with him, and he loves every bit of it. In short, it’s the absolute opposite of New York City.

The Trump era is, if nothing else, a juncture in America’s life when the polity had it drunkenly took home what it thought was a hot biker, only to wake up the next day and discover it took home the angry guy who sits in front of the post office and hands out clip art eugenics pamphlets. Trump moving to Florida makes a lot of sense; in many ways it feels right, and like the horror of discovering you took home an ogre instead of an Adonis, it’s probably best to encourage him to leave as soon as possible.

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