Half-dead Donald Trump can’t even speak during State of the Union address

You knew it wasn’t going to be Donald Trump’s night when his estranged wife Melania made a point of showing up without him, and then Speaker Paul Ryan made the Freudian slip of saying that he was “preventing” rather than “presenting” the President of the United States. The bar was set so low for Trump, all he had to do was not mispronounce President Obama’s name while sounding half dead, and the media would have given him glowing reviews. So he promptly mispronounced President Obama’s name while sounding half dead.

No really, is there someone named “Barack Opama” that we don’t know about? Donald Trump giddily bragged that he was destroying recent advances in health insurance coverage, a reminder that he’s pure evil. Then he called it “Opamacare” (no really, “Opamacare”), a reminder that he’s eighty percent senile and fifty percent dead. This guy can’t even speak anymore. He didn’t actually slur his words this time around, which was something of a shocker, considering his recent “United Shesh” debacle.

Trump is in such bad condition, physically, mentally, and politically, no one in the room was even sure how to respond. The Republicans, who are so certain they’re going to get wiped out in the midterms that several of the committee chairs have already announced they’re not going to run for reelection, nervously and cartoonishly cheered Trump on in the same way that a baseball team would cheer for its worst player when he just happened to come to bat at the most crucial moment in the game. Democrats mostly just made faces.

Nancy Pelosi sported an appropriately disgusted scowl. Chuck Schumer had an “I can’t believe this is happening” sarcastic grin. Bernie Sanders looked like he was being held hostage. When Donald Trump tried to take credit for President Obama’s advances in African American unemployment, the Congressional Black Caucus looked like they were busy making dinner plans. But really, how does anyone keep a straight face through this kind of utter nonsense? We have a senile mentally ill racist traitor giving the State of the Union address who wasn’t even legitimately elected President of the United States – and he’s so far gone, he can no longer even pronounce the name of the guy who came before him.

Bill Palmer is the publisher of the political news outlet Palmer Report